You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
