Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
