also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
