she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
