This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im six kinds of drunk right now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
