I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
