dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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