his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
