just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
