Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize