Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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