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Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize