I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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