Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
