Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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