and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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