First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
