i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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