My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
