you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
