i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
