we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
