god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
