What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
