I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
