it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
