matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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