why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
