Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
