people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
