Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
