i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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