So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
