i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
