you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
