I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
