Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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