have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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