Don't you send me to vm
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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