Well apparently he's into motor boating.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
