You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
