it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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