I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
