I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
