mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
