The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
