Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
