so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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