I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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