He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize