Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
