i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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