Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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