My nipple is on Facebook.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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