I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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