she was so not down for the gang bang
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
