I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
