Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
