some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
