Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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