Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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