you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Too much gin, very little bucket
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
