I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
