I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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