Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
