I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The air was thick with penises
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
