I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
