Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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