I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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