I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
