i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
