She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
