I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
